By 1.45 the nets were up, the mole hills were flattened ( apart from the one in the corner which is great for corner takers) the ref had arrived and Mark Ash was having shots from everywhere fired at him, the fact that he wasn't tested with any of them, put the 2nd teams season into context. None of them could hit a cows arse with a banjo.

There was one problem, No opposition. A flat tyre for one of the cars forced a delay, but being the gentleman that South Cave are we waited for the opposition to arrive in full before Referee Pick blew the whistle for the toss. Captain Harris ( No not him from Police Academy) tossed well and Cave headed up hill against the wind in the first half.

By this time the crowd was building up. At least 30 had amassed including a scout from Newbald, four dogs, one lawnmower and one first team manager who preferred to fly his kite than watch the talent in the reserves. That's dedication. The fans were warmed up before kick off, mainly due to laughing so much at the Gaffers attempts to do a Rene Higita impersonation only for him to fall arse over tit in the mud.

Due to last weeks excellent 0-0 draw with top of the league Eastrington, Gaffer Notto decided not to make too many changes to the team. Young Jackie Hanson came in for the injured Andy Chappers, who injured his knee while doing Karaoke to Kung Fu Fighting at the British Legion in the week, and Tom Love who wanted to play to test an injury came in for Craig Harding who was doing Cross Country for the School, got lost and missed the 155 bus to get him to the ground on time. Notto announced himself on the bench along with Kieran Barmby a late replacement for Griffith ( who still didn't know what day it was) and Martin Rackham. Yes the chairman was back, declaring his availability and asking for only a gentle warm up and 10 mins at the end. Neither of which he got which we will go into further in the report.

The game kicked off in anticipation at 2.10, with Cave defending the goal at the motorway with the wind in their faces and a steep hill. It was a scrappy start to be honest, with a hard pitch and a bouncy ball that didn't help both teams. Cave had the first attack of any note and should have scored Love was put through by experienced campaigner Barnett, outstripped the Hornsea defence and placed a shot wide of the goalie, unfortunately it hit a mound and bounced the wrong side of the post. It was a promising start though with the front two linking up well with little Jackie and Captain Harris ( no not him from Police Academy) and Rob 'The' Mullett trying to get hold of the midfield. This all paid off two minutes later when twinkle toes Love dashed through the Town defence again and stroked the ball via the other side of the mound and into the brand new net purchased from the Rag and Bone man by the First team gaffer who was still flying his kite, oblivious to the fact that we were winning 1-0. The crowd went wild. Luke Duerden who for some unknown reason had pronounced himself, First team coach and groundsman, did a cartwheel and lost his trousers and the Cave crowd were happy. Cave were then brimming with confidence and should have gone on to score more, but it was Hornsea who began to take control of the game, using the wind to their advantage. We didn't help matters by giving away dodgy free kicks and letting the ball bounce instead of meeting it first time, but its easier said than done in these conditions. Ash did well and managed to tip over a free kick and the defence manned by the experienced Gains and Took along with Birthday boy Telfer coped well with the excellent corners and crosses which were being banged into the box at every opportunity.

One of these free kicks turned into fruition for Hornsea after 20 minutes, after dealing with another long ball forward the ball landed to their centre half (who apparently killed us when we played in the cup at their place) who volleyed past the hapless and helpless Ash in the Cave goal 1-1. Bugger.

Immediately after the goal, the bench was called into Action, Barnett felt his arthritic hip and had to be replaced, the gaffer had to make a decision, who would replace him..

Bollocks, he said. Let that man be me. On he strolled the Silver Fox, the Gazelle, the old man. A straight like- for- like although Barnett has the bigger belly and Man boobs. Looking to make his mark on the game.

The game continued end to end with Love linking up well on the left with Ripton who has got better now his tank gets a regular empty and Notto work well on the right with Matty Bloomers. With this happening, young Jackie was seeing a lot of the ball and Captain Harris ( No Not him from Police Academy ) was making his dynamic runs. While Mullett was sweeping up everything with his take the ball and the man approach. Shots were reigning in, Love had a couple of strikes, Notman his the post with a corner, mainly because he kicked the ground before the ball and scuffed. He also had a dipping shot with his right footed which nearly caught the keeper unawares. The defence stayed solid with Took sounding like Maria Sharapova everytime he headed a ball and the cool heads of Gains and Telfer sending the ball back to wherever it came from.

Then..came the defining moment of the half. After some good work by Bloom on the right, Gaffer Notto took control and seized the ball from the Hornsea defence took one touch and bang, hit a left foot shot off the shoe laces of the Puma Kings from 30yds ( it was 50yds after 3 pints) dipping weaving curling into the top corner, via the hand of the goalie who didn't see it and it was in 2-1 to Cave. Get In. and that's how it stayed until half time.

The team talk was simple from Notman, If we keep a clean sheet in this half, we will win. But the formation had Hornsea foxed. Three men in Midfield outnumbered them and with Wingbacks Bloom and er Ripton who was more of a back playing wide we were getting a lot of space. We had to use it. Duerden tried to put his two penneth in but his words just went in the wind and was told quite politely to bugger off.

The 2nd half kick off. With the wind at their backs Cave should have made this count and to their credit tried but some quality saves from the Hornsea keeper (who was their man of the match (along with their captain) from a Love Piledriver and an exquisite chip as well as a good block from Notman who had all the time in the world but was caught in more minds than a schizophrenic and blew it. Cave needed a third goal but it just wouldn't come.

It wasn't all one way traffic though, Hornsea too had their chances and huffed and puffed and Ash had to make a couple of important takes and really Town should have equalised when the Cave defence was dispossessed the Towns nippy forward took on the keeper one on one. Ash made himself big (which doesn't take much) and smothered the ball to stop a certain goal.

Before that moment there was activity on the bench. Barmby( Not Nickys lad) came on for the old man Ripton, whose night on the piss in Beverley the night before had caught up with him and the Chairman Racks came onto the field after his 10 year injury for Love to rapturous applause to join his old mate Notto for half an hour of nostalgia. The chances kept coming, the ball kept bouncing, the Mullett challenges kept coming and then there was controversy. Young jackie got the ball and weaved into the area, but was driven wide by the keeper, as he went wide he was challenged unfairly according to the ref and down he went. Penalty!!

Another decision for Notman, after his team had already missed two penalties, he had to decide who would take this one. Ripton was the nominated but he was off the pitch and already on his 4th fag. Nobody offered so instead of taking it himself, he offered the Chairman the chance to cap his comeback with a goal. He grabbed the ball and placed it on the spot. This was his moment of glory, to claim the game for Cave, to seal the points and to celebrate his returned, and he........missed. Everybody held their head, even the kite fell from the sky in shame. There was a cry from the Chairman and the manager looked up to the sky and muttered the immortal words ' For f**ks sake' The fact that the cry from the chairman came before he had stroked the ball into the bonfire behind the goal didn't help matters, but nevermind these things happen.

After that Non event the game died and Cave defended stoutly to win their first home game of the season, in what was their last home game at Bully this year.

With the gaffer Notto the match winner. Get in..,And then he didn't get a vote for man of the match. Bloody charming...

Thanks to the fans that turned up. Roll on next season when promotion is the aim.